i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
