1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
