I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
