sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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