Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
