i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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