get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
i've created a new STD.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
