Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
