he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
