He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
