It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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