We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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