thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
