life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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