I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You're a waste of cheezeits
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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