I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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