Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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