Can i not drive my cunt home
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
