Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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