Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
