Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
