I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
