He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
