honey bunches of taint.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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