Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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