so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
