The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
