yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
