I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
