I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
