Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
