I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She bit a glass in half.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
