Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
