she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
