the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
