big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
