thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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