Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
