Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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