Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
that is very illegal...i love you.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
