after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
