shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Randomize
