Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
