im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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