I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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