I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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