So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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