i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
he laminated a picture of his dick.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
