I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
