wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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