I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
